Tag Archives: experiments

My Fault…

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I thought I could go back to bed and lie there for a bit without incident. So, technically, I suppose it was my fault. But I heard everyone helping each other get breakfast. It sounded peaceable.

So, forty glorious minutes later I walk out. The weather’s perfect. It’s sunny. Even the introvert in me is charmed.

“Let’s go to the park,” I say, “Shoes on.”

At this moment in the hallway the little guy passes me holding a spoonful of milky cereal in front of his belly and marching into his bedroom. Curious, I follow him. Then I watch as he stops, calculates, throws said cereal onto the carpet, touches one foot on top of it delicately as if to evaluate his success and turns, I’m assuming, in order to get more.

Well, I stop that nonsense and on the way to the kitchen with the spoon I notice several other arrangements of cereal on the floor and realize this is an installation piece, probably entitled “Scourge of My Mother”. There is also one very wet towel lying in a square on the floor.

“Hey guys? What’s with the wet towel? Did he have an accident?”

“No, Mom, he spilled a cup of milk,” said the eldest.

“He did it on purpose. And it was my milk,” said the girl.

Mixed media.

(There are many moments like this when I’m glad I don’t have a nice place. I can’t stand how my kids treat my two-bedroom rental. What on earth would I do if they treated my dream-house this way?!)

I proceed into the kitchen. And the baby has tried to make a smoothie.

Here is a picture of that baby:

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I sigh and scrap my plans for the park. I place the baby in the tub (the only place he will remain contained) and wipe counters, do dishes, unload dishwasher so I can load dishes, start laundry from last night’s pee debacle(another long story), scrub and baking soda a square of carpet, sweep the kitchen, vacuum and four hours later it’s nap time and I’m sucking down coffee and eating some Go Diego Go cereal. For some subliminal reason I wanted some.

The first baby, that’s not anyone’s fault. You’re naive; you’ve never had a baby. You don’t know. The second one, well, that’s not technically your fault either. You and your husband have seven siblings between you. Let’s blame family culture. But three, well- the third one’s on you. You asked for three. This is on you.

Off Topic…

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When I first started this blog I was curious to see what I would end up writing about.

I wrote for a few months rather secretly, not really advertising myself to any of my near or dear. I just wanted to see which topics would present themselves.

For example, I had a recipe page initially that was going to have all the cool recipes I was going to share with you. But, as it turned out, those recipes never happened. (Thank goodness, too right?! It’s a miracle if something gets baked, you want me to stop and take pictures?!)

My topics have revealed themselves to be motherhood, Christianity, and the creative life. (Oh, yeah, and zombie poems.) That’s plenty, I think. Don’t you? (There’s always room for zombie poems.)

Because of this, you, dear reader, have been spared much. I will only mention it here to give you a little insight into what exactly Barbara wastes her time on and perhaps a bit of relief that she’s not wasting your time on it, too.

This month, you have been spared my obsessive exploration into natural beauty.

It’s quite a list, shall we begin?

For starters, I didn’t post my coconut milk shampoo recipe.

“Honey, didn’t you just buy shampoo?”

“But this is coconut milk shampoo. It’s so much healthier for your hair.”

Nor did I post the subsequent week’s worth of pictures showing the oil slick that was my hair before I adjusted the recipe. I walked around like it was totally normal. My husband didn’t say a word.

I haven’t burdened you with my new nightly beauty routine of oil cleansing. Yes, that is correct, oil cleansing. I haven’t used soap (or lotion) on my face for two weeks. Instead I rub a mixture of castor oil and sunflower oil all over my face and let it sit for a minute before gently dabbing it off.

“What is that stuff?”

“Castor oil and sunflower oil.”

“Does it work?”

“Yes! It’s amazing!”

(Husband stares at absolutely hideous blemish painfully mounding the surface of my skin below my mouth.)

“It says it pulls all the impurities up to the surface for the first week or so.”

But seriously, it’s amazing. And, in a few days now, my complexion will be flawless.

I did not link to the many articles I have read this month on the beneficial attributes of gelatin. I didn’t post the recipes to all the bone-in soups I was going to make. Nor did I link to the gelatin product on amazon that I recently purchased and added to my tea tonight. You were not subjected to a picture of my tea (which looked like tea) nor a description of how it tasted (like jello, go figure). It was surprisingly filling. I couldn’t quite finish it.

I didn’t review my homemade electrolyte drink. Which was super yummy but, for some reason, no one drank it.

I haven’t talked about my homemade remineralizing toothpaste, which still totally rocks after four years.

I won’t even tell you how close I was to becoming a representative for an essential oil company this month. I just won’t.

All this I have spared you.

You’re welcome.