Three Gentlemen of Berkeley…

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One of the end results of my husband having been a chef in another life is that we usually pick the cool places to eat. We politely ignore the lack of high chairs and coloring pages and inflict our children on everyone else enjoying the dim lighting and tightly packed repurposed tables.

Last Sunday we went to Berkeley, also known as the organic hipster farm. And, let me tell you, there’s a bumper crop this year.

The little café we chose was packed with them so there we sat, my little army and I, taking up the last two tables on the sidewalk and trying not to draw attention to ourselves, like the underage younger siblings at the bar.

Well, at the table next to us there were three lean tightly teed gentlemen. Perhaps they didn’t notice me sitting directly behind them or, more likely, I inspired the conversation, but it went something like this:

“If I got a waffle would you split it with me?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, that’s like ten pounds right there.”

I’m already glaring at them because I had just been thinking how I could totally devour five waffles if left unattended. I started to precariously nurse a baby. By the time I got the numerous straps and buckles out of the way and my modest shoulder throw arranged their conversation had taken a turn:

“Yeah, totally, and have you ever noticed, how people get in a relationship, get married, have kids and then they suddenly have a gut?” observant guy said.

The one facing me glanced my way nervously. Luckily my sunglasses were on so I could pretend to be fondly watching my kids rub their upper bodies all over the previous party’s crumbs.

“I don’t get it,” said the physchologist, “How can you let yourself go like that?”

I think we’ve all heard this one. Even if you have kids now, chances are you’ve asked this question at some point.

But it’s the wrong observation and the wrong question.

The correct observation and question go something like this:

You can tell how good the drug is by how far gone the addict appears. So, tell me, Momma-with-three-kids, what are you on, because that must be some amazing stuff?

Exhibit A: Me-

-All day long.

Sigh.

So, observe on, gentlemen of Berkeley, I sincerely hope you have an awesome workout this afternoon. And I don’t hold grudges, so, if you still want to, I will totally split that waffle with you.

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